I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize