I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Randomize
