ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
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