i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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