fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Randomize
