I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
