Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
being pregnant is like rehab
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
Randomize
