thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
Randomize
