Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
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