2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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