just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
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