When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
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