my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
