there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
