hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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