I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
