??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
If I got everything I wanted in the world, I would have been forcing soup down your throat hours ago
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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