take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
there was a trapeze. enough said
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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