11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
