Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Who knew that showing someone your boobs would make them stop crying.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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