Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize