Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
Randomize
