if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
