people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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