Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
