exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
Randomize
