She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Randomize
