She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize