hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Randomize
