It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Randomize
