her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
