You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
