Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
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