I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
