your room smells of hookers.
And success
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
time to smoke my breakfast
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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