I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
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