I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
You Just stopped dancing, looked at me and said "I'm gonna make it rain" Then shook the open box of crunch berries everywhere.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
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