I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
