I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
Randomize