nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I have peed in a lot of sinks
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