we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
