it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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