What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
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