Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
I pelvic thrusted so hard while he was eating me out that his nose started bleeding. I think it's broken. Trophy scars, right?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize