Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
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