we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
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