your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
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