well you can't waste a boner
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
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