felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
cat food counts as protein by the way
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
