I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
