I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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