mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
