Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize