My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
