plz talk dirty to me
I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
Randomize
