I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
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