belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
Randomize
