i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
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