I think I died a long time ago.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Randomize
