we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
Randomize