after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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