You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
