i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
I really wish I could go back in time to change the course of events that led to me sitting on the internet at 3 Googling 'Traumatic masturbation' while talking to you about failed dates, and running a virtual restaurant in a video game.
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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