clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I looked into this "it's just lunch" matchmaker thing and it was like 5 grand. If I'm gonna spend five grand I'll throw in another three and get new tits and find my own fucking husband.
Randomize
