he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
he was in the bathroom singing "will it floooaaat?? will it floooaaat?!" turns out that's a deal breaker for me.
this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
