Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
