I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
My vagina just recognized that song.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
